Pamiętnikiem opiekuje się Monica wel Artanis

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Piątek, 25 Maja, 2007, 18:45

Pamiêtnik to strzêpki my¶li....

"Sen to marzenie na które mnie nie staæ...od jak dawna? Nie pamiêtam...
Dzi¶ mam to samo wra¿enie co wczoraj...ja tu ju¿ by³am.
Ciep³e kolory, promyki ¶wiat³a padaj±ce w niemym tañcu na drewnian± pod³ogê...taniec kurzu przy najmniejszym ruchu powietrza,obrazy....
Eee tam! Jak zwykle mi siê wydaje...chocia¿ zbyt czêsto ostatnio, jak na mój gust.
A poza tym On ci±gle jest ze mn±. Przy mnie...szkoda tylko ¿e nie wtedy gdy go akurat potrzebuje. No có¿, pewnie by powiedzia³ " Powinna¶ siê ju¿ do mnie przyzwyczaiæ" a co je¶li ja nie umiem?
Inna sprawa ¿e bez tego spokojnego g³osu ciê¿ko mi zasn±æ a obudziæ siê znów z krzykiem i stwierdziæ ¿e Jego Obecno¶æ Jest Mi Niezbêdna ¿eby po prostu znów zacz±æ oddychaæ.
Pomy¶la³ by kto¶ ¿e opisuje ukochanego - nic bardziej b³êdnego!
Co innego ¿e Nie wyobra¿am sobie ¿ycia bez S³ów z Ciemno¶ci i cichego stukania w oparcie fotela.
Ukochany?!Opiekun ...przekleñstwo..b³ogos³awieñstwo..."
* "There's a nother world in side of me that You may never see...
There secrets in this life that I cant hide..."
"Jest we mnie inny ¶wiat, którego mo¿esz nigdy nie dostrzec...
S± w tym ¿yciu sekrety, których nie potrafiê ukryæ..."

Jest takie miejsce do którego lubiê zagl±daæ...album...s± tam zdjêcia tych o których mam zapomnieæ. Dlatego uczê siê tych twarzy na pamiêæ. W¶ród nich jest jedna...Czy bêdê umia³a zapomnieæ?...

Umiejêtno¶ci jakie posiada³am ustanawia³y mnie jako jedn± z rzadszych
istot jakie rodzi³y siê w¶ród czarodziejów-jedn± z najgro¼niejszych.
"Budz±ca siê" w pe³nej gotowo¶ci magicznej w pó¼niejszym
wieku ni¿ inni magiczni, lecz z dok³adnie ukierunkowanymi zdolno¶ciami. Ja mia³am dwie - mog³am zmieniaæ masowo pamiêæ i mia³am niespotykan± umiejêtno¶æ przejmowania zdolno¶ci znajduj±cego w pobli¿u maga. Dane te¿ by³o mojemu "rodzajowi" wybraæ sobie czas i rodzaj swojej ¶mierci.
Same plusy my¶licie -nic bardziej b³êdnego....
By³ te¿ On...Przewodnik, nauczyciel, poskramiacz i
opiekun...Keyl-tak pozwoli³ do siebie mówiæ ale w±tpi³am i¿ by³o to
jego prawdziwe imiê, a na pewno nie jedyne jakie posiada³....
Czasem zadawa³am mu pytania...a prawie zawsze On milcza³...prawie, bo przewa¿nie ¦piewa³ po swojemu hipnotyzowa³ i mami³.
Wk³ada³ mi w g³owê obrazy i fakty które zas³ugiwa³y na miano "plejady horrorów".
Twarze martwych, historie ¿ywych którzy mieli umrzeæ ,czasem tych których zna³am... te bola³y najbardziej....
Z czasem znajomych twarzy zostawa³o coraz mniej...tak by³o ³atwiej...
Dlatego stara³am siê nie mieæ nowych przyja¼ni ani ¿adnych "bli¿szych kontaktów"
Ba³am siê ¿e zobaczê ich kiedy¶....
===========================================================
Przyszed³ jak zawsze cicho, przystaj±c tu¿ ko³o drzwi..."Jak znowu zaczniesz krzyczeæ,odejdê!" Zagrozi³ prawie szeptem, wyprzedzaj±c moje my¶li...Nie odezwa³am siê ani jednym s³ówkiem, ba³am siê b±d¼ co b±d¼, ¿e spe³ni gro¼bê. Deszcz miarowo bêbni³ o dachówki...oddycha³am. Wci±ga³am zapach otoczenia ciesz±c siê z ka¿dego jej smaku i koloru....¿yjê...
S³odki zapach stêch³ego powietrza i mokrego kociego futerka...." Znowu to samo...nie umiem tam wej¶æ..." Odezwa³am siê po chwili która trwa³a wieczno¶æ...
Deszcz nie przestawa³ padaæ.... Westchn±³ niezauwa¿alnie..."Wiem...jak Ci mam wyt³umaczyæ ¿e wcale nie o to chodzi ¿e masz tam wej¶æ..."
Z³o¶ci³am go, wiem, ale nie ¿yczy³ mi ¼le, to wiedzia³am na pewno. "Kiedy to siê skoñczy?..." Ile razy zadawa³am ju¿ to pytanie?.... Podszed³ i k³ad±c g³owê na moim kolanie spojrza³ na mnie bezdennymi oczyma bez têczówek.
"Kiedy tylko zechcesz..." Jak zawsze....
=====================================================
To ¿e mia³am dar dowiedzia³am siê dopiero gdy na moich oczach, moja w³asna z³o¶æ i upokorzenie zrobi³y co¶ strasznego z rozumem ch³opaka który mia³ byæ mi wierny a¿ do ¶mierci... przynajmniej tak obiecywa³..By³ b±d¼ co b±d¼ moim pierwszym ch³opakiem.
Nie od razu dotar³o do mnie ¿e rozerwa³am na kawa³eczki jego ¶wiadomo¶æ On po prostu upad³ przekrêcaj±c tak dziwnie oczami....ju¿ by³ ro¶link± praktycznie nie ¿y³. Mia³am 16 lat i pierwszego trupa na swoim koncie.
Pó¼niej przyszed³ On i zacz±³ mnie uczyæ...
Pó¼niej przyszed³ list i zrozumia³am ¿e to nie sen....
Pó¼niej przysz³a bezsenno¶æ i tylko brzmienie Jego g³osu i wykonywanie poleceñ przynosi³o ukojenie....
Mam na imiê Artanis, choæ jak tak d³u¿ej my¶lê to te¿ mog³a byæ jedna z Jego bajek...
...dlatego wola³am zbyt du¿o nie my¶leæ...
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No i co wy na to? Proszê o komentarze i opinie.
Jestem pocz±tkuj±ca...proszê o wyrozumia³o¶æ. Pozdrawiam i zapraszam do nie koñcz±cej siê opowie¶ci...
"Najpiêkniejsza przysz³o¶æ jest zawsze uzale¿niona od dawno zapomnianej przesz³o¶ci."

* Three Dors Down- tekst niekoniecznie napisany bezb³êdnie

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