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Pamiętnikiem opiekuje się Aurora Silverstone

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Wtorek, 12 Maja, 2009, 12:00

107. Żeby nie zwariować

Zbliżył się… zamknęłam oczy a on ustami zaczął dotykać moich ust…I wtedy…się rozpłynął jak mgła…to było tylko marzenie… On tego nigdy nie zrobi!
Nagle wstałam i w jakimś porywie chciałam wejść na zamarzniętą taflę jeziora…
-Co ty wyprawiasz?!?!
Ktoś na mnie krzyknął od tyłu. Nie odwróciłam się…chciałam być sama… nie miałam ochoty na rozmowy… zaraz sobie pójdzie…ale ten ktoś chwycił mnie za rękę…
-Aurora? Co ty chcesz zrobić?
-nie wiem, Am… nie wiem...Nie chcę już niczego…
Przytuliłam się do niej i rozryczałam jak dziecko…nie wiem co chciałam zrobić…ale coś mi niewątpliwie odbiło….Zaprowadziła mnie do pokoju…Rzuciłam się na lóżko beznamiętnie i tak plackiem leżałam…
Minęło tyle czasu a ja zamiast się pozbierać….było ze mną coraz gorzej…Ile mogłam odwracać głowę, kiedy wchodzili z Jamesem na śniadanie? Ile razy mogłam siadać możliwie najdalej niego? Nikt mnie nie rozumiał…no może tylko Remus, który przeżywał to samo... chociaż trochę inaczej…nie mówię, ze nie cierpiał… był tak samo załamany jak ja…A ja? Umiałam w życiu wiele znieść w życiu…ale to było Zbyt dużo… Czy ja jestem jakaś przeklęta?
Do pokoju weszła Lilka. Usiadła na moim łóżku..
-Słonko? Co jest?- spytała troskliwym głosem… wzruszyłam jedynie ramionami-znowu to samo?
Jej pytanie było retoryczne. Lilka znała mnie tak dobrze ja James, jak nie lepiej…
-musisz w końcu cos z tym zrobić! Albo raz na zawsze odetnij tę pępowinę, albo wreszcie mu wybacz!
-to nie jest takie proste…
-rozumiem…
-nie rozumiesz. ..Umiałabyś wybaczyć Jimowi zdradę?
-kocham Jamesa. To jest dla mnie najważniejsze!
Wzięła oddech i dodała:
-Pamiętaj, raz można wybaczyć…
-nie wiem czy umiem…nie umiem…
Lilka spojrzała na mnie z bólem…nie mogła już na to patrzeć…
-wstawaj!
-nie…
-wstawaj!
-nie mam po co…
-nie opowiadaj głupot! No, już ruszaj się!
Usiadłam na łóżku.
-po co?
-no, już! James zabiera nas dziś do Hogsmeade!
-a niby dlaczego?
Lilka zrobiła dziwny gest w swoja stronę. To było cos w rodzaju uśmiechu połączonego z pokazanie na siebie.
-nie kumam…
-jaki dziś jest dzień?- spytała.
-jak każdy inny…beznadziejny…
-o przepraszam cię bardzo…
W tym samym momencie oprzytomniałam Lilka kończy dziś 17 lat. Na śmierć zapomniałam!
-Lilly przepraszam! Zapomniałam! Wszystkiego najlepszego, kochanie! Zdrowia szczęścia i słodyczy!
Przytuliłam się do niej…
-wiedziałam! Szykuj się idziemy o 5. a ja zaraz wracam…
Poszła do pokoju chłopaków, gdzie właśnie Rogaty ściągał łóżka zmaltretowanego Łapę. Walczył też ze zrezygnowanym Lunatykiem.
-nie róbcie mi tego! No już podnosić się! Remy! Proszę! Pójdziemy tylko na kremowe piwo…
-nie mam ochoty…
-dlaczego? To są Lilki urodziny…Proszę was….no!
Lilka przysłuchiwała się, aż w końcu sama podjęła próbę:
-Luniaczku!
-No, dobra już…- Remus się poddał. Mógł się wykręcać Jamesowi, ale Lilce, nie chciał robić przykrości w dniu urodzin.
-Łapa!- nie zareagował.
Lilka podeszła do niego i szturchnęła go mocno.
-wstawaj! Idziemy na urodzinowe piwko…
-wszystkiego dobrego Lilly.- powiedział beznamiętnie-ale na mnie nie licz…
-podnoś się! Idziemy! No! Ej, dziś są moje urodziny!
-powiedziałem! Idziecie sami…
-Syriusz!!!
James wkurzony złapał Lilkę za rękę i wyprowadził do łazienki.
-on się nie ruszy! Leży tak od wczoraj. Zresztą on tak codziennie leży wstaje tylko na zajęcia i jedzenie jak jest głodny… jeśli mi się uda go przekonać żeby wstał i cos zjadł.
-Z Aurorą też jest tragicznie nie mogę już na to patrzeć…
-Lilly musimy ich pogodzić, bo oni się wykończa…
-James Skarbie, a co my robimy od jakiegoś miesiąca?
-wiem, ale musi być jakiś sposób…
-widziałeś co było ostatnim razem?
-wiem, wiem, kochanie, wiem…
-Ale wiesz co jest najgorsze?
-ze żadne się nie chce przyznać do tego, ze jest mu z tym źle drugiemu?
-Dokładnie.
-Też mi się to nie podoba.
-Mam! –powiedziała nagle Lilly i to do tego tak donośnie, że biedny Jim aż podskoczył.-Chodź idziemy teraz do Hogsmeade…
- i co?
-zrobimy imprezę u was. Może jak ich spoimy to sobie pogadają..
-to głupie…myślisz, że Aurora tu przyjdzie?
- Już zostaw to mnie…
-jak chcesz, ale nie uważam że to dobry pomysł…
-wiem, ale masz lepszy pomysł?
-nie, ale musimy cos zrobić bo zwariujemy i my przy nich..
-Mam tylko nadzieje, ze nie wyjdzie w tego katastrofa…

Komentarze:


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